what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
