I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
