we made out on top of his cat.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
