after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
