all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
