She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
do nipples grow back?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
