sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
