I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
