i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
