rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
