Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
