Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
