your thong is hanging out like whoa
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
