actually, I'm a sock model
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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