Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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