Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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