Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
