When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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