You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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