The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Welp...herpes.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
