wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
