Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You're like the curious george of whores
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
