omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
this just has baby written all over it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize