if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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