Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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