then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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