a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
