apparently the secret to your success is patron
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
