Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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