You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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