I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Houston, we have a blender
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
