Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize