Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
