I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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