You don't have asthma, your pregnant
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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