I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Even my vagina gasped.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize