she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
