she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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