You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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