Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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