I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
