You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
