how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
