just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
