Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
