Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
