Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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