We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
