Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
