had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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