I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
