id be glad to
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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