do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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