its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
