Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
