I'm so fucking centered right now
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
