im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
