remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
