The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize