I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize