Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
