No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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