i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
