i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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