listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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